Absence Explained

"The struggles we endure today will be the 'good old days' we laugh about tomorrow."

“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

May 6^th was a sunny day with beautiful crystalline blue skies clear of any chemtrails. A day which could be described as an ideal Chamber of Commerce Day. After a satisfactory day of mowing, weed pulling, and planting the last section of my vegetable garden, this old broad manages to ungracefully trip over her leaf blower and land on her right side on the concrete floor of the garage.

In retrospect, the fall happened so fast it was almost a blur. The aftermath was not so much, but a stark realization that the pain felt was nothing less than excruciating. With my legs twisted under me like a ragdoll, I wasn't exactly sure what I damaged. Fractured hip? Not sure. A broken leg? Not certain. I know I hit my head on the corner of my stain glass workstation, but it didn’t seem to be serious enough to address. The bones in my elbow, my upper arm, and the humerus to be exact, (not to be compared to a humorous situation) was shattered. With every breath I took it felt as though each of those fractured bones had a mind of their own and were performing their own private dance under the curtain of muscle and skin.

My guy, the strong one, the one who has stood beside me for the last fifty-three years and can generally produce a MacGyver type of solution for everything, was helpless between my fits of tears. He called for an ambulance which arrived shortly after because he couldn't get me off the floor without bursts of painful screams not knowing what else was broken.

Upon the arrival of the ambulance, it took the two female medics a bit to stabilize my arm and shoulder to the point of being able to get me into the bus before heading to the hospital. The first ketamine injection closed my throat, and I passed out. It gave me a frightening moment of reprieve only to come around with a hallucination with bright lights and flashing colors reminiscent of the disco days. That was followed by two doses of fentanyl which didn’t begin to touch the burning fury of pain, nor did the doses of morphine in the emergency room.

The emergency room doctor was unable to do anything after seeing the x-rays except to tell us the fractures needed surgery and referred me to an orthopedic specialist. Three days later, I went to the ortho specialist who was able to semi stabilize it with a soft cast until I could have surgery on the 13th. By that time there were more fractures and that they had spiraled, the surgery not only curtailed rods, plates and screws, but I have a new shoulder as well. Yee haw!

After a few days spent in the hospital after surgery, an ice machine, cold packs, a body filled with bruises, stitches and staples, and a handful of prescriptions after I got home, I began the slow road to recovery. Unfortunately, this recovery has not allowed me the use of my right hand, which is why I have not posted or done any research for the past month. It is finally today that I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and peck away at the keyboard with a single keystroke at a time with my left hand while my right arm is nothing more than a numb anchor.

During these painful weeks of healing, a day does not go by without seeing one of God’s glorious, blue-winged creatures, whether is it a bluebird, a blue jay, or a Pipevine Swallowtail butterfly, or the splendid three to four inch winged, Red-Spotted Purple butterfly. I know it is a subtle sign of hope that the Lord is guiding me to the precipice of healing, and to never question that He is always with me.

We all know change of any kind can initially feel destabilizing to active individuals. If a belief forms that the illness is unresolvable through medical intervention or personal coping mechanisms, it may lead to demoralization. Demoralization is characterized by pervasive feelings of defeat, hopelessness, and powerlessness. These emotions have been particularly prominent for me over the past month, with the feeling of defeat being the most significant. The perception that life has been irrevocably altered by this traumatic event, and that the future is fraught with uncertainty and discomfort, has significantly contributed to a loss of hope and meaning during this period of recuperation. Regardless, time is undoubtedly advantageous for us. Prioritizing incremental progress, approaching each day with patience and ease, and maintaining confidence in the healing process.

This post was composed gradually during my recovery, with each keystroke reflecting a step in the process. Initially, I did not intend to share it publicly. It has been edited to exclude the emotional aspects of my healing journey. Despite the considerable stress I have experienced during this situation, I am happy my hair has not entered a phase of significant shedding. In the past, even minor stress would lead to noticeable hair loss, which I had come to view as a part of the aging process and its related physiological changes. My initial intent was to age gracefully. However, upon reflection, I recognize the impracticality of that resolve. Nonetheless, I persist in adjusting to the realities of aging, adding another scar to my collection. As my son often reminds me, scars are akin to tattoos but with more compelling stories.

Today, at this moment, I wish to thank all my subscribers and followers for not leaving me during this life trial. To my paid subscribers, I want to say that you will be comped four months for your loyalty as a small appreciation for your support for not leaving me for the month I have been out of commission.

Some time ago, I wrote on another blog about how individuals limit themselves from achieving their desires and dreams. People tend to stay with what is familiar, regardless of whether it makes them feel unhappy or not. Most people have experienced this at some point. Change of any kind can feel destabilizing for a short time, which is why it is often avoided. Additionally, part of us believes that the current situation is the best it could ever be. But, this week, efforts must begin anew. Physical therapy will not be enjoyable and may be challenging, even grueling in the initial phases. However, I intend to continue writing, working, and aim to publish research as soon as possible.

So, once again, I extend my sincere gratitude to all my subscribers and my followers for their understanding during my absence. Your patience is greatly appreciated as I work towards resuming my regular routine.

In the meantime, live life, stay safe, and God bless you all with good health. Please remain vigilant and cautious, and above all, watch your step. It’s not the fall that gets you, but the sudden stop at the bottom!

Peace!